we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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