Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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