I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
