Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
