im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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