Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
