That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
