When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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