Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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