I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
