i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
