Acid is not a monday night drug
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
