how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
not ubering you a puppy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
