do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
