no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
