Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
