thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
