All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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