Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
