Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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