Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
