she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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