so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
