His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
