maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this just has baby written all over it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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