I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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