I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
