I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
