the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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