I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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