nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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