It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
