K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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