He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you.
Bad choice
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