Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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