alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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