I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
