i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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