You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
