What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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