I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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