yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
