my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots