mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
