well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.