Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.