my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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