nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
