I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
