i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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