how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
tell me about the fingering
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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