seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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