flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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