I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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