life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
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