I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He shit in the fireplace
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
