wanna go halves on a baby?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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