he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
