dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life is so much better after having sex.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
