i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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