dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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