Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
