What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
