he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
