i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
