no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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