i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
