4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
