I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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