he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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