She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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