I faked an abortion last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
