HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
