her vagine was all disorganized.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
