I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
