Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
