I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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