I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
