Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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