Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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