There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
