I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
