Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
