Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I pour the whiskey from now on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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