when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
