Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
