I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
