Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
