after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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